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I am excited to be able to report that I did not do any cleaning today. I did not scour the stovetop, I did not wash my delicates, I did not disinfect the toilet, I did no laundry or folding. All these things need to get done, they have been taunting me each time I…

to hell in a handbasket

What does success look like as we flail towards hell in a handbasket? I interpret that phrase to mean a lack of accountability, a lull into complacency, passivity – a space between being trapped and self-imposed constraints. In looking up the phrase a painting from 1515 is referenced, “Hieronymous Bosch painting “The Haywain” (c. 1515) (in the Prado,…

people are hard for me

Other people can be really hard for me. I often seem outgoing, loud, engaging, humorous, charismatic, when I’m not moody, overly introspective, prickly, and self-involved. I am an only child who told her deepest secrets to a stuffed bear, that I still have; but now he sits on a shelf so that I don’t tear…

The PH.D. I earned in my sleep

Stress dreams are a reflection of the seen and unseen stress of our waking lives. In general they are not fantasies set in unreal landscapes cavorting with mystical animals. Stress dreams too often are a photocopy of the days – a little blurred, lacking detail, washed out colors but intensified reactions, complex inner narratives, and…

business casual tried to steal my soul

Once a year all the teachers wore shirts from their alma mater colleges which meant jeans could be worn along with the t-shirt or sweatshirt. I walked in on that day in one of ill-fitting dresses I lined up to wear each week and was disappointed to walk into hallways of comfortably dressed colleagues. I…

if Icarus never flew

Icarus failed because he took his trusty wings too close to the sun. He died in a triumphant rebuke of what he had been taught. He crashed back down to earth so that we could all be reminded that no matter our own wants or skills, the sun will always burn too hot. But what…

being accessible

I am away from the classroom, so I don’t have my captive audience, the people who had to listen to me, or at least pretend to. I tried hard to not be a teacher who was alienating or direct by tunnel vision, I designed activities and an environment to engage students with their own thinking,…

fear of mediocrity

I was a mediocre photographer. It was one of my creative outlets when I was younger, an outlet I thought could perhaps be refined and polished. I took a few great photographs, but I could not be consistent nor obsessive in the necessary way an artist must be. I learned the core components of a…

underdog mode

Being the underdog is the place I most excel from. It is a great thrill to prove people wrong, and blow away their preconceived expectations. This has fueled many of my greatest feats. But it is unsustainable. It is not a model for growth. It means that I am seeking out detractors at every turn….

count all the things that might kill you

I consider myself rather immune to the fear mongering that is the media’s bread and butter, but I am always amazed by how slick they can slip ideas into my subconscious. So here are the things that might kill me that have crossed my mind today: my birth control sleeping with my cell phone on,…

Fake it until you Make it

Faking it perhaps sounds like a horrible mantra. Faking, pretending, posturing, projecting – may sound like excuses for lying. I am not fond of lying, actually I find myself to be particularly inept at it. Blatant honesty or uncomfortable silence are my two modis operandi. But lying, deceit, manipulation make my stomach ache and I feel…