I am excited to be able to report that I did not do any cleaning today. I did not scour the stovetop, I did not wash my delicates, I did not disinfect the toilet, I did no laundry or folding. All these things need to get done, they have been taunting me each time I look away. But what needed to take priority, the thing that has in fact been pushed aside and made to feel insignificant is the whole reason I am in this place now.

My writing has been pushed aside, boxed, shrink wrapped, stashed in the back of the closet. I started pieces on my phone, I glanced at old pieces in need of revision, I wrote bureaucratic beauties. But my work, my stories, the thing I allowed myself to change my life for, that writing was neglected. I squirm each time someone asks me, or when I see my wordpress app unopened. I spent many walks with my dog dissecting what steps I needed to take, a new schedule to institute, a change of scenery to re-inspire. I got my 1970s typewriter repaired and tapped out some emotional letters to never mail.

Somehow today I did it. I never changed out of my pajamas, I didn’t fuss with my skin or nails, I didn’t buy that much needed shower liner. I did some things from my list. But then I looked at on old piece, one I do love, it is short so I was able to rewrite the parts that needed healing. And now I have submitted my pieces 51 times. That is half the number of rejections I was told to aim for, but I underestimated the callouses of my skin and each rejection felt like a leech sucking out just a little life force. But I will make it to 100, and I will announce my centennial rejection right here to share with all of you. Truly thank you for reading my words, each and every time I see someone has taken a moment from their hectic day to read something of mine I am fortified. Thank you.

to fail or not to fail, what is your response

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