Having a blog that people do not read is not ideal, and it can sting to realize that even most of my loved ones don’t read it. But it has been so many years, I mostly have reconciled with those feelings and my need to still write here. And why not just keep all these thoughts to myself, instead of throwing them into this blackhole – because I actually do believe there is value in the ideas that come from this endeavor. Trapped in my mind are many rants about the harms and abrasions of capitalism, hell I even use a chunk of my therapy sessions gripping about how un-sane it makes me feel. But I think there is a minute chance that shouting into this void is another salve.

Capitalism robs us as individuals. Our minds race to stick fingers in ever-larger holes of debt. Our time is stolen by the demands for our labor. Our choices are restricted according to however that equation balances out in the moment. And as each person is stressed about this precarious balance, we have less to invest in the kind of care and attention that people crave.

Is this not read because people don’t have the time? Is it not appealing in its topics? Is it not appealing in the way that it is written – too casual, too many grammatical errors, incomplete thoughts or repeating ones? Would I need to nag and cajole people to take a look? Do people simply not read? Is it not personal enough, could some spice about dating or love or betrayal make it more palatable to our tastes these days? Can I just blame capitalism, as I am prone to do with most everything else? Perhaps.

I will just keep on trucking. Writing being one of the few things that makes sense to me, that envelopes me and asks of me what I want to give. It is never demanding or dismissive, it is always right there for me. Writing something is an act completely separate of having that thing read, I keep reminding myself. But at times the sting swells, the skin is raw and irritated and oozes a bit before it can be soothed back down and the tiny puncture scars harden to be forgotten. Just another sting that will pass.