mice, roaches, and Patrick Dempsy

My roommate told me to write about today, and I responded, “I wish today didn’t exist”. Not in a trauma response way. No rather in just the frustration of interacting with patriarchy and capitalism – both sincerely attempting to tell me that how I do things is wrong. I have been trying to buy a…

perhaps the only story I need to tell

He gets back in the silver sedan, carrying away my whole sense of self. I think about going home, and instead have another beer at the cafe before closing time. I turn to go home, stop at the bodega for another beer, and walk past my house to sit by the river. I am still…

why yoga was miserable today

Going to a yoga class has become a beacon to a fulfilled life, having a home yoga practice an enlightened life, and a yogi way of life a pathway to the sacred. But yoga classes are more often miserable in multi-dimensional ways. Other reasons yoga class may be miserable: it was the kind started by…

The PH.D. I earned in my sleep

Stress dreams are a reflection of the seen and unseen stress of our waking lives. In general they are not fantasies set in unreal landscapes cavorting with mystical animals. Stress dreams too often are a photocopy of the days – a little blurred, lacking detail, washed out colors but intensified reactions, complex inner narratives, and…

drunk man travels well

After the frustration, then anger, than doubt and some tears, something else has to win. The reality of traveling demands one simply succumbs. I have been reminding myself of the drunk driver who survives the lamppost simply because he is drunk. Yes it is an ugly secret that doesn’t get public service announcements or after-school…

Allies – what it might mean to be PRO-BLACK instead of anti-racist

Unlearning internal and external systems of white supremacy is a complicated and painstaking process. I propose that being pro-Black is shortcut through the maze of the construction of race, the history of rape and murder, the policy and legal systematic attempt to destroy Black people and the resulting fabrication of whiteness. A shortcut may not…

business casual tried to steal my soul

Once a year all the teachers wore shirts from their alma mater colleges which meant jeans could be worn along with the t-shirt or sweatshirt. I walked in on that day in one of ill-fitting dresses I lined up to wear each week and was disappointed to walk into hallways of comfortably dressed colleagues. I…

Bigfoot, the Lochness Monster and Institutional Racism

As a historian, a classroom teacher, and aware person I cannot tabulate the amount of time I have spent trying to convince white people that racism exists. I am a white enough person that I had to be educated – but luckily that intervention happened at a young enough stage of development that it became…

days without capitalism

The fireworks display I’ve watched for many years are made by guys from the neighborhood. The soundtrack to my holiday is blasted from family sound systems.  The landscape is families taking over sidewalks and streets to host events for communal celebration. Cars are used to block of intersections so that streets can be filled with…

inoculation to the prescient future

As a child my grandparents gave me $25 for Hanukkah and $50 for my birthday, every year from the age of six to sixteen. Only once did I spend any of that money, $15 for a Barbie car, but every other check was deposited directly into my own savings account at the Bank. I still…