This strange time is making us consider mortality, yes in some very real ways but also to face that shadow, the strangeness, the unknown, to confront our feelings about death and dying. At what age were you introduced to the concept of dying? Did it come from the death of a pet, the death of a far off relative, the passing of someone close to you, the loss of a person you loved deeply? It matters. It matters how the idea of the end, of not existing, of loss came into your consciousness. I can’t define how it mattered, I am becoming more resolute in my inability to be certain about much of anything, but I know it matters.
My father avoided a certain road near Boston for thirty years. If you are not from Boston this might sound easy, if you know the narrow horse paths eventually paved over and named then you might see that it requires effort to not take a certain route. Maybe his subconscious thought it cursed, or his prescient memory didn’t need to see the exact place, or perhaps our own survival always guides us away from the places that took that a loved one.