Monday March 27:  Remember when a plate of food is spilled on you just be grateful it wasn’t rotten.

Tuesday March 28:  Someday you will look back on this moment and laugh; that moment just isn’t today.

Wednesday March 29: You can be content when you’re dead. – My Dad’s life philosophy

Thursday March 30: When life feels like a demolition derby, just try to be the last car crushed.

April 1: Take any compliment you get today, soon enough no one will notice you. #horoscopesforanewreality

April 2: It’s a new month, doesn’t mean much but beware the same mistakes you made last month. #horoscopesforanewreality

April 3: Pretty sure that is the last grilled cheese sandwich for me. It did not settle well…

April 4: #horoscopesforanewreality if you accomplish nothing else today, you can feel good about getting 2 more twitter followers

April 5: Sunshine should bring you joy, if not seek professional help. #horoscopesforanewreality

April 6: When life isn’t working out, make sure to stay up all night thinking about it.#horoscopesforanewreality #fml

April 8: Deluding yourself is greatly under appreciated.#horoscopesforanewreality

April 10: Winning at that fun game: how many things can go wrong! #fml #horoscopesforanewreality

April 11: Who needs caffeine when pure anxiety can fuel your day. #fml #horoscopesforanewreality

April 20: If today you are in a decent mood, don’t google yourself because it will ruin it #horoscopesforanewreality

April 21: If someone accuses you of something you didn’t do, go do it just so they can feel redeemed.  #horoscopesforanewreality

April 22: