Someday I hope that I can experience the kind of dedication and sincere love that a man has for his penis. After seeing Louis C.K. live tonight I am overwhelmed by how much he likes to talk about his penis. And even young babies love to play with their penis – they pull at it, squish it down, flick it. Girls will also partake in touching their genitals, but it does not grow into the same kind of companionship that men express. I do not consider my vagina a separate part of me, I don’t talk to it, or get especially concerned about only its condition. People with a penis talk about it as if it was a separate entity, oftentimes giving it nicknames or special accolades.

(Spoilers to Louis C.K. show)

The comedian Louis C.K. loves to talk about his penis. He works into many bits large quantities of semen, even when it seems like the topic is veering elsewhere. He discussed how much semen he discharged into his wife when their first child was conceived, offering the measuring tool of a child Tylenol medicine dispenser, about 3 ml to clarify. Because with sperm, the more the better? He made the sound effects of fireworks going off to illustrate the need men have to spread their seed. I have never considered what sound effects best represent female genitalia.

At times men conflate their sexual organ as part of their identity. Then using it as a metric to judge other men. He ended his show discussing his father’s penis, comparing it to a dried up turnip. What strikes me is that he went through a long period of preparing this material and was certain that people would laugh about his father’s penis. That he wanted people to think about the appearance of his father’s penis, and find it funny. There is also something oddly cruel about it.

I keep thinking that he is going to phase out this fourteen year old boy humor. I guess my sense is that now that he has two daughters, who very soon will be sexual creators, will now have hours of material where their father is discussing his penis, semen, masturbation in motels, and more explicit depictions of sex acts. If his daughters have attraction to men, there is a good chance that those boys will have seen some of their father’s comedy – awkward. Men are simply enthralled by the penis, their own specifically, and have deemed it an acceptable topic for everyone to have to envision, conceptualize, meditate upon, and value.

Sometimes we talk about women being sexually repressed, and that is an area worthy of deep consideration, but my form of liberation does not include measuring my sexual liquid output, describing the physical qualities of other people’s genitalia, comparing mine to that of an animals (he considers if his dick is bigger than that of a goat), or making it into my best friend. I like my friends in the human variety – complex, emotional, thinking, and independent of me.