Fake it until you Make it

Faking it perhaps sounds like a horrible mantra. Faking, pretending, posturing, projecting – may sound like excuses for lying. I am not fond of lying, actually I find myself to be particularly inept at it. Blatant honesty or uncomfortable silence are my two modis operandi. But lying, deceit, manipulation make my stomach ache and I feel too queazy to keep any of it up. Faking it is a different kind of operation. It is a coping method.

We all have coping methods. Cigarettes. Alcohol. Shopping. Marijuana. Cocaine. Opiates. Overeating. Television. Video Games. Sex. Gambling. Meditating. Running. Reading. Pornography. And according to television shows like My Secret Addiction – many more than I could ever imagine. Coping is what we do to face life’s moments of angst, uncomfortable, itchy, gut turning, anxiety, unknowingness, lack of control.

Faking it. Faking it is an attempt to cope without any destruction. It buys a person time and inaction. Time to allow the world to show its cards, to fill in the blanks, to offer more options. Faking it means acting like you are totally together – mind, body, and soul. You get up on-time, put on an attractive outfit, indulge in a small treat, and when people ask, you give them a smile.

This serves two purposes. One is as above states, it offers an alternative to reacting. You can remain unfazed in the face of whatever has forced you to cope. The second is that is starves the beast. The beasts of insecurity, fear, and anxiety feed off of the attention given to them. Any attention – thinking, talking, writing, reacting to it – are feasts for those feelings. Faking it is like the placebo effect, a placebo works. When we think we are healing, we heal. That is why the second portion is key, faking it only lasts until you can make it. Until your reality aligns with what you need your reality of the moment to be.

So give it a try, it is easy enough to fall back into old patterns, and there is a banquet of coping mechanisms on the table, but this one has fewer side effects, can be combined with others, and creates options rather than shutting doors.

stock-photo-319366-young-woman-wearing-mask-and-holding-face

to fail or not to fail, what is your response

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