something in the alignment of the stars, my most recent entry was on the same sailboat as this writing.
Originally posted on The Crunk Feminist Collective:
Time flies whether you are having fun or not. My childhood seemed to linger like thick molasses while my twenties flew by like short school days. Before I knew it I was post-30, highly educated, minimally motivated, hundreds of miles away from home but finally at home with myself. When I turned thirty I had all kinds of epiphanies. I woke up loving myself some myself, and intentionally purging negativity (thoughts, people, pain) out of my life. For the first time in what seemed like forever I wasn’t afraid of what that might mean. Affiliations be damned. So-called friends be damned. Popularity be damned. I was going to speak my mind, tell my truths, and let the chips fall where they may. They fell, but there was no destruction. Coming into myself was a beautiful process that I am still walking in unapologetically.
On the brink of another year it seems like just yesterday that I was ringing in 2012 in my mother’s living room. There was no wine, no fireworks, no benediction , no kiss on the lips at midnight, just me and my family staying up long enough to say we did, and greeting each other and the new year with hopeful anticipation of realized dreams…finally! This would be THE YEAR (just like 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008, you get the picture), which was the echoed mantra I internalized year after year at New Year’s Eve church services and sermons that promised me a renewal of my dreams if I just believed…and waited. So I have believed and waited, but I am shifting my expectations because the process of waiting is exhausting. And sometimes when you have been waiting what has been years and feels like lifetimes you think that perhaps you have been doing it wrong. Maybe I didn’t believe good enough. Maybe my waiting was not good enough. But in reality it was. I have had several accomplishments this year, but they are not necessarily the ones that “count” in the eyes of others.